Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Friend Zone

Attention riders on the monorail of love. The next stop on our excursion is The Friend Zone.

Yes, gentle blog readers, I have entered the dreaded Friend Zone. This is not to be confused with the end zone where people go when they score (so to speak). The Friend Zone is where people go when they don’t score. The Friend Zone is a place that you do not want to be. The Friend Zone is where unrequited affection meets friendship.

You see, I’m intimately familiar with the Friend Zone. I have spent interminable years there, but that is another story for another day. Suffice it to say that I gave up the Friend Zone a few years ago when I gave up dating.

I was content with my no-man’s land of a life and I thought everything was going swimmingly. Then, I met my “distraction.” That’s right. I’m talking about the same “distraction” from last week. At the time I wrote the last blog, I thought that things were going well…that I was moving the ball slowly to the end zone.

I thought that at the very least, I’d crossed the 50 yard line and was in the opponent’s territory . I was expecting a cursory defense, but apparently I was wrong.

First and 10.

There were signs. You know the ones I mean. I suggest seeing him again and he sort of shies away from committing himself. “I’m going to watch the football game next Saturday” he says. He knows that I like football. He says hello on his own later in the week, but it’s the friendly, non-personal type of hello. I was about to listen to the Clemson basketball game and told him as much so I was ok with the conversation ending a little early, but still a little confused.

The running back is hit behind the line of scrimmage.

Second and 13

Next night, I see him online and I say hello. We talk a little while about more generic stuff. He’s online paying his taxes. I give broad hints about the weekend, but nothing. Then, he says he’s going to bed. It is barely 10pm.

Incomplete pass.

Third down and 13 yards to go.

The alarm bells are going off in full force at this point. I don’t hear from him for two days and then, I’m watching the football game on Saturday and I see that he’s on myspace so I send him some nonsensical comment about the game. (Yes, I know, I’m escorting myself to the friend zone with that one, but I had to do something. Let’s call it a trick play.) We talk back and forth and eventually, I ask him if he wants to come over tomorrow. “I’m cooking.” I say. He says “No, he has to work.” We talk a little while longer, but there is no mention of seeing each other again. I go hang out with a friend and then send him a teasing message later about something he’d talked about earlier. He responds with what I hope was a good sense of humor.

Screen pass for a gain of 10 yards.

Fourth and 3 yards to go.

So, I guess I’m punting to him at this point. If he’d given me any hint that he was interested, I’d try a trick play and go for it, but his defense has been stout so I’m not even going to try. It seems that putting the ball in his hands is the only option. He can decide if he wants to go to the end zone or the Friend Zone.

But, unfortunately for me…..the signs are pointing to the Friend Zone.

No comments: