On Wearing Whore-Red Lipstick and other Stylistic Choices

Horrible kinky curly perm. Big bug shaped glasses. Flannel shirts. Pearls. Tapered jeans. Horizontally striped shirts. Colored jeans. I could go on and on. These are the bad, bad fashion choices that I shared with the world as teenager. Why did my mother let me walk out the house in those clothes? Why didn’t my friends tell me that I looked hideous? Probably because they all looked equally hideous at the time. However, if I made those same choices today, I would hope my friends would stop me.

Writing is like fashion. Choices that worked in the past no longer work today. In the 1970s, the hero-heroine rape scenes were “fashionable” in romance writing. Writing a hero-heroine rape scene today would be the equivalent of wearing MC Hammer pants or 1970s leisure suit -- something that you should try to avoid at all costs.

Once upon at time, it was ok to have your characters look in the mirror and describe themselves. These days it is considered a cliche. To be sure, there are exceptions to this rule. A writer can do anything if they do it well. It’s sort of like pairing vintage sunglasses with an ultra modern outfit or wearing a vintage jacket with anything. To steal the words of Tim Gunn from Project Runway, “Make it Work.”

Then, there are what I call the “should-nots.” This is where a good critique group comes into the equation. Your critique group/partner are the fashion consultants of the writing world. They are the people that say “No sweetie, that works for Nora Roberts. It doesn’t work for you. You should not do this.” Let me give you some examples of a fashion “should-nots” that I’ve seen in my life. The floral "house dress" and curlers in public. (Can you tell I'm from the south?) The college student wearing the pajamas and house slippers in walmart. (I am guilty of this one.) And the most recent and possibly worst. Drum roll please. The short, tight pink satin and black lace number worn with hooker heels by the large woman who walked into the grocery store ahead of me on Sunday. I could see her butt cheeks. It was very, definitely a “should not.” Someone should have told all of these people that they should not be wearing those outfits. Critique groups/partners have a responsibility to prevent their critique partners from making a writing “faux pas” like overuse of adverbs (which in my opinion is liking someone wearing Tammy Faye Baker makeup), overusing to-be verbs, overusing commas, em dashes, and other puncutation, excessive head hopping, etc. Stylistic choices that could annoy the reader.

I hope that the TriMus will be my writing fashion consultants and tell me not to wear that leisure suit rape scene or backless tank top head hopping. I also hope that they will be my real fashion consultants and remind me that perms, tapered jeans, flannel shirts, and bug-eyed glasses are very bad ideas should I ever consider them again.